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Earlier this week, after sleeping soundly on my friend’s superbly comfortable couch, I awoke from one of those dreams that I am convinced only my brain could think up. I have included a transcript for your amusement.

* * *

FRIEND: OK, Tim – just a few points about the house before you go to sleep. Now, it’s true that we’re renting, but the rent only really includes the furniture.
ME: What do you mean?
FRIEND: Well, we rent the furniture, but the floor is on a time-share arrangement.
ME: Ah. Hmmm?
FRIEND (Energetically picking up a chair in each arm): Well, we share the floor with another family. They have half the floor area, and we have the other half.
ME (Baffled): Right. So how does that work?
FRIEND: It’s complicated. Although they have half the floor area, it’s not always the same half.
ME (With bafflement rapidly intensifying): I’m lost.
FRIEND: OK. Well, here’s the diagram (unfurling immense blueprint on kitchen table): Now, you’ll see here that on Monday nights, the ‘floor rights’ change throughout the evening. It’s about nine o’clock now, so we have access to here – here – and here.
ME (Miraculously understanding complex schematic blueprint): But...we don’t have access to the piece of floor right underneath us.
FRIEND: That’s why I have to move the chairs.
ME: Where are you taking them?
FRIEND: (Pointing to blueprint): Here. We are allowed on this, this, and this piece of floor at this time.
ME: Do we have access to those pieces of floor all of the time?
FRIEND: No. It changes hourly. (Friend puts both chairs down on vacant floor section. While he is doing so, the floor area on blueprint starts moving, thus redistributing floor ownership rights).
ME: It just moved!
FRIEND: Oh. It does that sometimes. Where is our available floor space now?
ME (helplessly pointing): Where the chairs were before.
FRIEND (admirably taking situation in his stride): OK. I’ll move the chairs back there, then. Can you please grab the couch and move it to that other piece of floor over there?
ME (Warily): OK.
As I drag couch to available floor area, I nervously glance at kitchen table. Blueprint design continues to move of its own accord.)
ME: It did it again.
FRIEND: Did what again?
ME: Um, now the bit of floor that we’re allowed on is where it was before.
FRIEND (suspiciously): Are you sure you’re reading the blueprint correctly?
ME: No, not really.
FRIEND (In tone that strongly suggests that it was all my fault):
Just help me with these chairs, Tim.

* * *

Although this dream probably lasted minutes, it seemed a good bit longer. When I woke up, I felt as if I had been moving chairs for hours. I walked across to the nearest chair, grabbed a firm hold of it and thought: “so, it’s 6am: this chair goes….where exactly?”
And it was only then that I felt really stupid. (I sincerely hope that I wasn’t moving the chairs around in reality while I was asleep, but I can't completely rule this out.)

So, brain, my question to you is this: Just what the hell are you playing at?