Monday, February 8, 2010

They stole my invention.

It's happened to all of us. You're innocently watching TV, walking past a shop, or reading the paper, when you notice something that looks really cool. It does the thing that you have always wanted to do, in the best possible way. This is fantastic for the world, fantastic for everyone! Hooray!

And yet it's not fantastic for quite everyone, is it? Because you have been storing this vision - now inexplicably made flesh - inside the 'to be invented' sector of your brain ever since you were twelve. Just planning, sequestering it away essentially. You were sitting on a gold mine, to be opened up when you had a lazy couple of grand to swing the plan into action.

And now Fischer and Paykel, or Sony, or whichever upstart you care to name, has gone and somehow excavated your brain contents when you were sleeping and fed the output into their Inventomatic-3000. Because here it is. Your invention. Your Golden Ticket to the nerdy version of Euro Disney.

This happened to me last week when walking through Myer's electronics department. I was looking for something I didn't need, when I was confronted with something I needed even less: I had to have it. But it was...

A Risotto Machine.

No, hear me out. [Guards: cover all exits and bolt doors]. The risotto machine that I invented when I was about 16 consisted of a paddle-type contraption that was designed to constantly stir the rice, evenly and thoroughly. Suspended above the rice was a drip-feed contraption that would gradually release the stock into the rice. Seeping, stirring. Seeping, stirring. So simple, yet so profound.

The Sunbeam Risotto maker - $99 decimal point ninety bloody five bucks - had all of these things. It's criminal and wrong. The company obviously had a complex network of spies in my high school quadrangle, listening to my every brilliant utterance.

I feel like the guy who invented the phone before Alexander Bell: Elisha Gray. After years of inventing, he went down to the patent office with his 'personal electrical dual-way voice communicator', or whatever he called his phone, one arvo.

Gray: 'I would like to patent my personal electrical dual-way voice communicator, please.'

Receptionist: 'Sorry, Mr. Gray, some guy patented one of those this morning.'

Gray: That's a jolly shame. Oh well, bye-bye!

Actually, that's not what he really said. This risotto's for you, Elisha!

16 comments:

TimT said...

Pasta's where it's at, man! We don't need risotto. Maybe you could invent a new type of pasta, that combines the qualities of ravioli, penne, spaghetti, lasagne, and some other stuff.

Cro Magnon said...

I invented a risotto machine years ago. I call it a 'wooden spoon'. Regards, Cro.

Anonymous said...

va personals [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]dating personals manchester[/url] christen true singles http://loveepicentre.com/ free sex dating

Anonymous said...

getting some clean pee to pass a drug test [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/disfunzione-erettile.htm]disfunzione erettile[/url] muscle ladies http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/strattera.htm health care reform and medical technology http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/reminyl.htm
keleinfelters syndrome [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/de-la-salud-de-la-mujer.htm]de la salud de la mujer[/url] kidney disease and symptoms in canines [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/apcalis-sx.htm]medical oncology continuing education[/url]

Anonymous said...

how to natural increase your penis size without pills [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/entocort.htm]entocort[/url] hip pain and high blood pressure http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cleocin-gel.htm heart gallop rhythm http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-allergic-asthma.htm
orange madarian garnet heart ring [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/general-health.htm]general health[/url] williamson medical center tn [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/betapace.htm]diabetes gilamonster nederland[/url]

Anonymous said...

psylocybin diabetes [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/weight-loss.htm]weight loss[/url] tea business management syllabus http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/luvox.htm vaginal odor during pregnancy http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prevacid.htm
tea pot infuser [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/erection-paquetes.htm]erection paquetes[/url] vitamin diagnostics address [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/sublingual-cialis.htm]mccain health coverage 2008[/url]

Anonymous said...

volkswagen law germany http://autoexpress.in/scion/scion/capital/3aanders mclaren slr mercedes
[url=http://autoexpress.in/peugeot/phase/peugeot]century volkswagen loveland[/url] volkswagen columbus [url=http://autoexpress.in/buell/root/buell/chopper]root buell chopper[/url]
auto mobile service minnesund http://autoexpress.in/buick/buick/century/air/filter
[url=http://autoexpress.in/saab/cathy/saab]inappropriate automobile names[/url] volkswagen karmann ghia rear deck lid [url=http://autoexpress.in/mazda/drivers/select/mazda]drivers select mazda[/url]
bruder mercedes benz garbage truck for active kids http://autoexpress.in/scion/scion/toyota/grand/rapids/mi
[url=http://autoexpress.in/racing/mt/holly/racing]bach mercedes ii[/url] mothers auto detailing products [url=http://autoexpress.in/seat/airbus/a/340/seat]airbus a 340 seat[/url]

Anonymous said...

canada government travel advisory state ottawa http://adventurecollection.in/cruises/hedonism-cruises sistina travel
[url=http://adventurecollection.in/airport/coupons-for-green-airport-parking]lindblad travel[/url] pissadakes travel [url=http://adventurecollection.in/airport/greensboro-airport-hotel]greensboro airport hotel[/url]
uk travel direction http://adventurecollection.in/maps/navman-maps-of-the-usa
[url=http://adventurecollection.in/motel/eventide-motel-eastham]canadian travel maps[/url] saudi arabia travel laws [url=http://adventurecollection.in/flight/fs1-interface-flight-simualtor]fs1 interface flight simualtor[/url]
travel portal canada http://adventurecollection.in/disneyland/cheap-disneyland-weekend-packages wheelchair travel guildford surrey england [url=http://adventurecollection.in/vacation-packages/discount-ski-vacation-package-vermont]discount ski vacation package vermont[/url]

Anonymous said...

adult relaxation services adelaide http://theporncollection.in/gay-video/being-gay-is-not-a-choice
[url=http://theporncollection.in/orgy/orgy-eva]booty dildo fetish gallery[/url] girl masturbates with huge dildo [url=http://theporncollection.in/lesbian-sex/free-swedish-lesbian-sex]free swedish lesbian sex[/url]
whitney wonders porn links http://theporncollection.in/gay-male/tips-on-gay-sex
[url=http://theporncollection.in/incest/incest-flamey-pics]john deere lubricant specifications[/url] sexy bras strip [url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-anal/gay-pedal-pumping]gay pedal pumping[/url]
adult porne clips http://theporncollection.in/sex-mature/mature-woman-tiana-rose
[url=http://theporncollection.in/best-porn/witchblade-porn]sexy pics of fergie[/url] anal men fucking [url=http://theporncollection.in/lesbian-porn/free-online-lesbian-sex]free online lesbian sex[/url]
funny adult tee shirts http://theporncollection.in/orgy/group-orgy-xxx
[url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-anal/free-gallery-gay-pic-porn]adult shops nc[/url] uk adult chat stories [url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-video/tom-selleck-gay]tom selleck gay[/url]

Anonymous said...

ginny weasly hentai http://xwe.in/nylon/adhesives-for-nylon
[url=http://xwe.in/erotic-video/erotic-wife-photos-and-stories]heather wayne adult[/url] adult pics forum [url=http://xwe.in/adult-video/statistics-child-physical-abuse-adult-rape]statistics child physical abuse adult rape[/url]
sample adult movie http://xwe.in/oral/brother-bob-oral-roberts-university
[url=http://xwe.in/teen-ass/spain-in-the-ass]porn dresses[/url] warming lubricant [url=http://xwe.in/thong/my-daughters-thong]my daughters thong[/url]
nsnf type adult form adhd http://xwe.in/toon
[url=http://xwe.in/thong/stilleto-thong-sandals]african girls sex anal whores[/url] adult fears about technology in education [url=http://xwe.in/thong/my-daughters-thong]my daughters thong[/url]
free adult picture hosting http://xwe.in/gay-boy/legalizing-gay-marriage-petetion
[url=http://xwe.in/adult-video/search-engines-for-adult-film-stars]porn star missing[/url] free sexy online dating [url=http://xwe.in/erotic-video/free-erotic-art-movies]free erotic art movies[/url]

Anonymous said...

doctor ed melmed and medical city [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-allergico---asma.htm]anti allergico asma[/url] vha directive medical malpractice http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-pilz.htm
what is the source of mineral oil [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/urispas.htm]urispas[/url] officers for cypress medical products [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viagrx.htm ]drugs on public health [/url] archers and pharmacy and family
stress concentration factor table [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/pravachol.htm]pravachol[/url] evidence based nursing about diabetes mellitus http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/c.htm
catalyst to the great depression [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/torsemide.htm]torsemide[/url] buy prescription brazilian diet pills [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/french-red-wine.htm ]compare hoodia hoodia cactus pure hoodia gordoni diet pill [/url] peanut butter sandwich and grits diet

Anonymous said...

mind heart deceptive advertising [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-fungus.htm]anti fungus[/url] health february is the month of http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/lamisil.htm
penis enhancement gel [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/kytril.htm]kytril[/url] wwe divas candice michelle photo shoot [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-diabetique.htm ]symptoms of an inner ear infection [/url] diet pill called akavar
maine state health insurance [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/w.htm]Order Cheap Generic Drugs[/url] generic for proventil http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viramune.htm
civil suits against medical board members [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/furosemide.htm]furosemide[/url] encompass travel medicine [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/la-salute-delle-donne.htm ]buy generic diflucan [/url] walker warburg syndrome

Anonymous said...

http://xwp.in/amoxicillin/amoxicillin-except-film-coated-tabs
[url=http://xwp.in/enhancer/over-the-counter-thyroid-enhancer]drug and acohole abouse[/url] regurgitating drugs http://xwp.in/cardura/generic-for-cardura
medical levitra http://xwp.in/amoxil/images-of-generic-amoxil-tablets
[url=http://xwp.in/antabuse/antabuse-effect]difference between levitra cialis[/url] health benefits of dried cranberries http://xwp.in/anastrozole/anastrozole
false drug tests naproxon http://xwp.in/carvedilol/carvedilol-25mg
[url=http://xwp.in/enhancer/internet-enhancer]online pharmacy prescription[/url] policy injuries drug test http://xwp.in/desyrel/purchase-desyrel-online ct board of pharmacy http://xwp.in/ceftin/ceftin-medicaton

Anonymous said...

flamingo beach casino http://xwn.in/joker_joker-big casinos in poconos
[url=http://xwn.in/lottery_the-michigan-lottery]gambling casinos in bay area[/url] blackjack hunting manitoba [url=http://xwn.in/slots_wheel-of-fortune-special-edition-super-spin-video-slots-free]wheel of fortune special edition super spin video slots free[/url]
diamondback joker 08 http://xwn.in/baccarat_baccarat-sites
[url=http://xwn.in/baccarat_baccarat-glass-crystal]casino hotel lake charles louisiana[/url] used video keno machines [url=http://xwn.in/jokers_batgirl-in-episode-118-the-jokers-flying-saucer]batgirl in episode 118 the jokers flying saucer[/url]
hotels in jackpot nv http://xwn.in/blackjack_beat-blackjack eschelon las vegas casino [url=http://xwn.in/online-casinos_depositing-money-online-by-check-to-online-casinos]depositing money online by check to online casinos[/url]

Anonymous said...

research questionnaire about factors in selecting fashion brand http://topcitystyle.com/purple-jackets-amp-sweatshirts-color37.html replica designer handbags and accessesories [url=http://topcitystyle.com/roberto-cavalli-rock-t-shirt-for-women--item2562.html]ashley tisdale clothes[/url] a fashion legacy rico puhlmann
http://topcitystyle.com/roberto-cavalli-long-sleeve-button-down-blouse--item162.html off roadway shoes ny [url=http://topcitystyle.com/red-casual-tops-color8.html]how to make your own clothes pattern[/url]

Anonymous said...

organ located under the breast left side [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/s.htm]Order Cheap Generic Drugs[/url] federal bureau of prisons staff medical privacy http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/miglioramento-femminile.htm zyban medicine new zealand http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/kamasutra-dotted-condoms.htm
stop smoking hypnotherapy georgia [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/aricept.htm]aricept[/url] penis binding [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/purinethol.htm]anxiety and nerve sensitivity[/url]