Now for something that actually happened to me at my place of employment.
Last Friday, as I was dragging myself out of the basement with my five free tentacles, I came across an amazing thing: other people! The employees were all standing in the kitchen area, milling about, drinking champagne, snacking on free antipasto, etc., as the proletariat are wont to do. I thought that since I hadn't seen anyone in a while, I would go and say hello. Hey, maybe I could get into a conversation - after all, permanent employees talk to temps sometimes, right? And I'm wearing pants, which makes me look pretty classy, right? Yes, despite a week of sensory isolation and white-out induced nosebleeds, everything was going to be o.k.
The kitchen is separated from the corridor by a glass partition, which meant that everyone (approx. 50 employees) could see me walking towards the kitchen, just as I could see them. Some looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, flicking my hair back from my face with my left index finger, to give those in the know a hint of my devastatingly debonaire nature. This was great - this was what made filing all worth it.
In full view of absolutely everyone, I sauntered quickly through the doorway, which was blocked by an unexpectedly closed glass door. The remainder of my work week went as follows:
1. Bounced off door with a rather loud 'clonk'.
2. Reeled.
3. Did a 360 degree turn for some reason. It was not suave, no matter how it may sound on paper.
4. Rebalanced, assumed innate 'combative' stance, glared at door accusingly.
5. Looked imploringly at the watching employees, as if to say "Look what that fucking door did to me!"
6. Suddenly understood that I had hit door, not vice-versa.
7. Slunk off, dazed and hungry.
8 comments:
For some reason, this reminds me of that party at Gottenham Street when you ... oh, right, when you walked into the sliding door. What is that statistic about accidents happening in the home? These two data wd suggest that 50% of all glass door collisions happen in the home, and 50% at temp jobs.
And none of those wining, dining, after-five-ing bastards came to your aid?? Don't they know who you are?!
BTW that finger bun story is hysterical on so many levels I don't even know where to begin except to say thanks for sharing.
The only thing that could have made that situation more uncomfortable would be if, as I often do in trying situations, you had grinned in a way you thought was sardonic and sauntered up to the first person you see as if nothing had happened. This only works in the movies, where they say something like "Bloody door huh?" and you laugh, bond and have a three month affair. In real life people edge away until you're left standing there while a bruise blooms slowly on your forhead.
this is a comment delivered late in the day. i too have walked into glass doors, tim. henceforth, i will do so with pride, knowing that i have a compagnero in collision. peace to transparent doors, peace to you.
after the spammers have left you alone, tim, i'm wondering what next? more!
Yes! More! We're still not satisfied!
Does wearing pants make you look classy? Better than not wearing them, I suppose, an' pass that one on to Britney Spears.
But depends wear and how you wear them. If it's jocks on the head, if it's briefs outside tight leggings, unless you're Superman, if it's trousers falling down halfway down the butt to reveal your Simpsons boxers ... you may have to rethink what you're paying your style manager.
trixie, sfter there could be some spammers trying to sell tim special anti-spam software and alert programs ...
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