This could be the very last AC/DC post

‘Rock and Roll Train’ Reconsidered

How is it possible for two AC/DC songs to be pretty much identical – in terms of chord structure, timing and thematic focus – and yet the first song is good, the second almost unlistenable? Such is the mystery posed by Rock and Roll train, a superficially simple – yet deeply awesome – track at the beginning of AC/DC’s new album Black Ice.

I seriously underrated it on the first listen. It’s not sexist (much, really); it’s not even nasty – it’s a chunky, hearty throwback to better times.

But it's more complicated. Rock and Roll Train has completed the journey begun by AC/DC over 30 years ago, i.e. it has entirely evacuated the referent from the lyrics.

The lyrics aren’t about anything at all.

I hear you, cynics, naysayers and curmudgeons: AC/DC perfected that years ago. Yes, granted. But there is a kind of purity about the intense nothingness of R&RT’s lyrics. They are about the following three-part process:
1. Picking up a thing
2. Moving it somewhere else
3. Putting it down again.

In R&RT, Brian Johnston sounds like a cross between an overenthusiastic building site manager and Deepak Chopra. Lines such as:

‘Pick it up and move it, baby give it all you got,’

speak for themselves. Brian doesn’t say ‘try really hard, folks!’ or something lame that your parents would say when they wanted you to take out the garbage or some crap. Instead, he says:

‘Shake it up, move it, Jammin’ up the agency.’

Let's be honest. Who the hell wouldn’t want to jam up the damn agency if they had a chance? That’s what men do (and plucky women, too!): They jam up the agency – and then refuse to un-jam that agency until the job’s done.

Seriously, though – there are a lot of great songs on this album.

Exhibit A: I am now listening to a song called ‘Smash n’ Grab’. It should be a typical, late-career throwaway AC/DC piece of crap. Its chorus runs:
‘Smash, grab and take it.’
It’s silly, wrong, boneheaded and irresponsible, yes, and children probably shouldn’t be provided with the lyrics sheet. But it just works.

If you don’t want to purchase the album, here’s a brief summary of the content by track listing:

Track 1. Trains are cool (Rock n Roll Train)
Track 2. Thunderstorms are cool (Skies on Fire)
Track 3. Bigshots are gonna get killed one day (Big Jack)
Track 4. Poor guys can get rich and get the girl (Anything Goes)
Track 5. War is scary, yet cool (War Machine)
Track 6. Shoplifting is cool, and essential for a healthy society (Smash n Grab)
Track 7. Fighting is cool, and fun too (Spoilin’ for a Fight)
Track 8. Fast, illegal cars are cool (Wheels)
Track 9. Loud music is cool (Decibel)
Track 10. Thunderstorms are cool (Stormy May Day – see #2)
Track 11. Sex is cool because it’s sort of like rock n’ roll (She Likes Rock n’ Roll)
Track 12. Money is cool, but work sucks (Money Made)
Track 13. Rock and roll is cool (Rock and Roll Dream)
Track 14. Rock and roll is cool (Rockin’ all the Way – see #13)
Track 15. Causing grievous bodily harm is cool (Black Ice)

I recommend Black Ice to everyone. It has reaffirmed my conviction that there are only two types of people in the world: AC/DC fans, and AC/DC fans in denial.

Which are you?

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Volume I: "Transformers"
Novelisation by Jodi Picoult
Narrated by Sir Ian McKellan

*

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*

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